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Friday, 9 May 2008

hurt

i feel like utter, utter shit! in a nut shell
i haven't slept all week and have found myself on several occasions screaming at my kids out of my frustration and hurt. and they are the innocent ones. and then they have found me sitting on the floor in the kitchen sobbing, and i cant tell a 9 and 7 year old why?
i was sitting here not 5 minutes ago bawling my eyes out and when i realised that my profile had been completely deleted not just moved and i actually threw up. i dont want to have to remove links, but i think i've been given the nod to say "F#@! you kylie", and i'm presuming from this gesture that they want me to give them the same courtesy.
im not a bad person, i'm a very sensitive and caring person, i know i have made mistakes and i have accepted the blame for that but all i wanted was the opportunity to express my feelings not pass the blame. but i not allowed that, i'm only allowed to hear one side. looks like i dont count
i came home yesterday to be blacklisted and i just dont understand. it seems that all the decisions have been made for me without any part of it.

i know your reading this........ i've taken the blame, i've accepted it was all my fault. i am so empty that i have lost 2 friends from this....i'm not trying to hurt you i just wanted to have the very same opportunity as you to voice my side and maybe we could have all felt better saying it face to face rather than the inexpensiveness of thru emails. face to face you would have seen how sincere i am, but i've been shut out and not allowed in even though i know i'm the BAD person here!

I apologise for putting this on MY blog, but it is my personal blog and as you can see from previous posts i write about my feelings regularly and this is how i am feeling right now.

2 comments:

Tracy said...

Big (((((HUGGS))))) to you sweet, chin up!!! You are not totally to blame for this, but at least you are big enough to admit that you made a mistake and cop it on the chin, you are the better person.
Luv ya
huggs
trac x

Princess Tamara said...

Hugs. Luv ya. I noticed your conspicous absence on a blog recently, and it made me sad in my heart that you are going through this.